Transformation

Yesterday, on the heels of a very challenging conversation, I continued on my path with the vehicle conversion. (converting the old chevy suburban to a camper van for the big trip.)

Several things happened that seemed worthy of noting here.

I slammed my wrist into the wheel well when a wrench slipped. I nearly busted my wrist. A good reminder for me to slow down and not try so hard. But, to move while grounded.

So, I chose to slow down and look for a good feeling place. My pup reminded me to do that. The moment I slammed into the well and the word OUCH burst out of me, he was already planted with his head buried in my lap, pressing into me with warmth and affection... as if to say, don't loose your footing, you are supported.. you are loved. "Right," I told him. "You are right. Thanks buddy!" I watched my breathing and slowly eased myself to a different state. I did not give into the impact, but got ice and calmed myself in the warmth of the sun.

Those of you who know me well, understand that animals in my life are more than the physical presence of a creature I enjoy. But, rather become in one way or another a signpost to my spirit path. When my path intersects with that of another in a fashion of significance I take close note.

Moments after I went back to working on the truck, as I was entering and leaving the house repeatedly throughout the repair activities, I came across the prettiest little snake. Her coloration was unlike anything I have seen in PA, although she seemed clearly non poisonous and was a very young snake to boot, only about 10 inches long.

I found her sunning herself on the sidewalk and nearly stepped on her, she blended so with the long grass strands that are turning color with the fall leaves. I stooped down for a closer look and opted to move her off the sidewalk for fear of accidentally stepping on her. I gently scooted a leaf stem under her head enough to get her to lift her head so I didn't risk scraping her against the concrete. As she lifted her head I placed my fingers gently behind her head and lifted her off the sidewalk enough to get my hand under her.

She did not appear overly concerned at first. I was hoping my warm hands might be pleasant for her since she clearly was using the warm sun saturated sidewalk to warm herself. She was cool to the touch, smooth and modeled in color, variations of a brick red in a pattern that seems consistent with most garter snakes in the area.

It is interesting that she would appear when she did. I have not seen a snake up close and personal on any occasion except when there was something going on in my world that was in need of transformation. I saw eight when living with my former husband, (a relationship that needed to transform or dissolve). I saw two entangled while walking with my summer love. Within hours we faced one of the greatest challenges we experienced together which required we both address the secrets within us and consider the need to transform our perception and manifestation in the world. And yesterday, this beauty showed herself when my primary intention all day was to focus on how I felt about a recent challenge that my partner and I have faced together.. one that brought to life in a flash my darker self.

The face of the challenge really was not big. Nothing enormous happened, none the less, something within me snapped awake as if yanked out of Pandora's box. It sprang to life within me and I felt as if I was in need of self protection. Not because of any attack, but because of something under current that was lurking there hidden. It felt dangerous within... I can identify that as childhood stuff rising to the surface under my current strains. I recognize this is a temporary place.. and I am working my way, "up the scale of emotion" to get anchored again on love.

The challenge I presented was that I lost my cool and stormed out. I felt in me rage that is rare and volatile. Although I have seen far more of this in my experience with this man than I am happy to admit. I can not deny that accompanying this sensation is the deep seated feeling that this is important work and that there is purpose here.

Holding that precious little life in my hands I contemplated "Snake" and recalled the symbolism of transformation that I had been thinking about specifically earlier in the day.

I can see how I am in the midst of serious transmutation in both outward physical expression and inward, personal journey. For example, the vehicle is under physical transformation, that is obvious, but working on it represents my investment in a much larger shift that has been under way for over a year now. Of course, it is to be my home away from home.. the vehicle that carries me out west to further destinations in the State and National Parks of the west and southwest. In addition, on that journey I intend to invest myself in the creative process and tell the story of my animal/ "spirit "experiences in a variety of ways.

As much as this is part of my daily path it is a departure from the ordinary aspect of a life I might otherwise choose for myself. It defies the ordinary sense of being rooted. I will become like an air plant, finding my sustenance while moving from place to place.

I digress. While I know I have been focusing on this shift for some time, the little snake reminded me there was another shift afoot that required my full attention. I have been trying to listen more to my heart on this journey and part of that means learning to discern that still, quiet voice beyond the clamor of the day. How perfect that this snake comes to me so silently and with such grace and beauty!

So, I quieted myself and focused on the gifts of this messenger of the Universe, this special, young teacher and I heard her whisper within me... "I am a reminder of swift changes to come. Your spirit path awaits. Are you ready for change? Are you honoring your creative spirit? Does this path assist you toward your larger goals?"

When we consider the nature of the animal whose path we cross we benefit by considering their way of manifesting in the world. This has been my path by nature since I was a very small child. It is my belief we all have this within us.. we need only trust it and open ourselves to the process of listening. I moved the gentle, powerful creature to a sunnier location and thanked her for the reminders and hoped I'd honor her properly and certainly do what I could to listen and implement what I learned.

This morning I looked up snake on the net.. to sharpen my focus on her qualities and discern if there was more for me there. This is what touched me...

"Snake has been a symbol of life and sexuality for thousands of years in many cultures. It is a totem of power, renewal and transmutation. Soundless in motion and invisible at rest snakes are unable to produce their own body heat.  They are often seen lying in the hot mid day sun.  The suns warmth coupled with the snakes behavior regulates their body temperature.  Not relying on the energy of food to generate body heat, they can survive on meager diets for extended periods of time.

Those with this totem need very little food to energize themselves. They are usually cold and prefer warmer climates.  Their body temperatures are often lower than normal.

Snakes lack eardrums and external ear openings but have small bones in the head that conduct sound.  They are able to hear low frequency sounds and sense vibrations that travel through the earth. This links them to the underworld where secrets are stored.

The snake symbolizes healing on a cellular level. Because their bodies are lightweight and flexible they have speed and agility. When they enter into your world expect swift changes to sweep through your life. These changes signify a death of the old and a birth into untapped power, creativity and wisdom. Snake is a powerful totem to have. Only those with a high degree of spiritual training, be it past or present, will be awarded this totem. It is the guardian of sacred places and the keeper of hidden knowledge."  http://www.sayahda.com/cyc4.html

For now, the path is growing more clear and I am committed to listening more closely to that quiet voice, no matter what fashion it presents itself. I can feel the presence of truth when it is revealed to me. I am, after all like the snake, a child of the infinite.

I am reminded of the notion of the "many faces of God". I believe creator comes to us through ALL living things.. and every experience if we know how to tune our listening to that vibration, that level of or style of awareness. I believe this is the ultimate expression of co-creation. When we open ourselves to the life forces around us as we all are interconnected and all a part of the same truth, the same flow of consciousness. We need only slow down enough to hear it.

Until next time.. who are your spirit guides?

Animal Allies

Settling into my new digs in Mt Airy.

Yona and I took a long walk with our dearest male companion, Lee. We walked for two hours in the park that has become my second home in many ways. Yona has been long deprived of the daily walks that made up my life with my buddy Attah, the most remarkable canine companion I have experienced.

Yona is now 22 months old and a full blown adolescent. He is full of himself, and why shouldn't he be? He is a remarkable co-creator that has, in his short time here, already offered enormous contributions to my journey. (Yona is represented in the upper right corner of this blog with the dark face and piercing orange eyes)

In a post I wrote about winter 2007, I spoke about the visions that led Yona to me. Those long winded explanations were intended as the solid foundation necessary to open you to the real life, unexpected experiences I have shared with many animals, especially those with Attah on her last days.

It was, after all, specifically the unfolding of those experiences that spawned the personal evaluation and intimate restructuring of my life as I know it.

Not many people believe mystical experiences to be a part of their current reality. Of those few who do, fewer still find access to such experiences through the realm of the animal or of nature.

It is easy to understand how it is difficult to believe in events and experiences that stand so far "outside the box" when human culture and ego strives so hard to keep us aligned with all that is linear in concept and structure.

If we are born into a situation that either catapults us toward what we starve for the most or if we comfortably find our path their without effort, as my dear friend Heather has, (near Geneva; look for blogger; "HeatherRemembers". She also has posted a couple wonderful YouTube videos of her animal companions.. I need to check email to grab her links.. will post.. Heather.. if you are reading.. feel free to post the links in the comments). Anywho... certainly, in our uniqueness, there is no one path to allow for all good things to flow.. my path has fluctuated between glorious, free flowing, unexpected encounters with the magical and the tension created when my focus is diverted elsewhere.

The slingshot theory, brought to my attention by my dear friend Sandi, (powerful manifestor and sparkling soul), really feels like the perfect example of my experience into an expanded perception of life as we know it. The idea is simple really: the harder we are pressed, the more tension created, the more we are stretched and pulled by forces beyond our awareness, (whether seemingly imposed by others or self) the further our capacity to catapult far beyond our expectations into a life extraordinary.

My early childhood home was filled with turmoil that challenged all of us. My parents, both intensely creative and passionate faced challenges that stirred them deeply. Like many highly creative people who bore the weight of a previous generation's judgement for thinking too far outside the box, my parents found themselves stuck. Their parents feared art was an unreliable career and not only were they not supported, but there was a burden offered unwittingly by my grandparents in their desire to steer their children back into the structure and stability of life within the box.

However, my parents simply did not fit the linear world, yet, they had no confidence or clear path to access their creativity in a fashion that enabled it to manifest fully. Interesting though, it was this perceived limitation that helped to explode me deep into creativity and into expansive thinking. It was, after all, my grandparent's repression that bolstered my mother and father's desire to support the early sparks of creativity they saw in me.

The other side of the coin it would appear as if I might die emotionally within my childhood home. My sisters and I were reared in an environment where great, daily battles were fought with such ferocity that we each carried a frightened and embattled notion of life for many years. As the youngest child, I was so deeply embedded in fear and trauma that I would have night terrors, waking screaming aloud, lieing in a knot of blankets under my bed soaking in sweat.

I was an extremely shy child that would clutch to my mother's leg when stranger's approached. Today, of course I find myself to be a largely confident creature, eager for adventure and courageous when need be and filled with a long term stability and sense of being loved that defies my early childhood experience. Therapy helped, doing artwork helped, having a family that learned to evolve helped. Pursuing an ever evolving spiritual path has helped. But, deep within me, I know the foundation for any movement forward is grounded in a single experience I had as a 12 year old girl on the heels of the last fight I ever remember witnessing with either of my parents.

By that time in my life, my mother and father were divorced. My mother was dating a family friend who I rejected merely on principle. I had a father after all, and was not interested in that important figure in my life being dethroned, no matter how imperfect he was. Of course, looking back, Max was a good man, one I would probably enjoy as an adult. Yet, there I was, 12 years old, listening to yet another explosive argument.

Fall of Abundance

I will have to make this brief.. 52 bags of leaves today have my body recognizing the value of rest and relaxation... the pleasure and abundance of sleep... cuddling under blankets in the chilly weather..

Before I give in to the free float of sleep.. let me tell you that I am living proof of the abundance of life. I site here.. reclining in the bed that marks my new temporary home.. in Mt Airy, PA.. really a part of Philly still.. but, a wonderful little neighborhood that is known for its colorful, well educated community of diversity.

It is a great comfort to be back in this wonderful neighborhood. The mere returning to this area of the "city" (though it feels more town than city) brings about a shift.. I already have more work coming in.. and it is coming to me.. as I believed it would when I was more clear. As the clearing builds.. so will the work that will fund my upcoming BIG trip.

Soon Yona and I will walk the woods that Attah and I once traversed daily.. without exception for the first 6 months of her life. For the rest of her life she and I were blessed with daily woodland excursions and dog park outings that ranged from 45 min-3 hours daily in total. It was an extraordinary way to live a life.. for any dog let alone human living within 20 min. of a metropolis the size of Philly.

While Attah was with me I was learning to focus my attention on abundance. She of course was much better practiced than I... which is one of the reasons I saw that lovely canine as my guide.

Now, my life is coming full circle with a twist. I can feel in my bones the temporary nature of my stay.. though there is much beauty to be had here.. there is, after all, beauty everywhere.

I am focused on daily practices that will at once earn me cash to do the trip and help refine my focus of what I want, and what I believe is possible.

Work is beginning to flow.. dog portraits, uncommon portraits.. I'll set up a link once I get the web stuff under way... dog behavioral work seems to be flowing comfortably again, and a mix bag of other income producing work that feeds my soul... and I hope.. the souls of others.

Yona is in wonderful health, on the heals of Lyme diagnosis, I saw him run today like he was a 3 year old canine athlete. He is a very powerful little man/ dog. He has a big crush on the mature West Highland Terrier that resides here. Clearly the feeling is mutual. She bolted today for her front door... clearly anticipating Yona's presence.

My work is shifting in ways that surprise and delight me. All of it feels aligned with my greatest desires.. and all will help me to refine my picture of what exactly is the perfect life for me. I suspect this image will metamorph over time.. into an ever evolving picture that suits my every need.

I have a lot I am interested in learning so this blog may be more fluid in its repsentation, more worth the read.. and a great foundation for the next level of my manifestation on this plane.

In my next writing, unless something remarkable occurs that feels truly noteworthy.. I will share with you a story about Attah.. and what it is that led me to this path... until then.. let me say this..
my abundant life fills me with great satisfaction knowing I am exactly where I want to be.. and exactly where I need to be to receive everything my heart desires.

The next posting will also include a link to an inspirational clip a friend made..
Sleep calls me dreamily away...
until next time..
D